Gods Kiss!

It’s been A Year to Cocos passing on, 12th April 2022, & all I wish is to live every moment of my life

As a Celebration to his Constant Presence & Unconditional & Non judgmental love towards me

& for Choosing me over everything else, showing me the power of healing that his love emanated & still does!

To A Beautiful soul, Who stood by me Unfailingly, Asking for Nothing!

(This song is a Bollywood song, at times the words echo our innermost feelings)

This is one of my recent charcoal painting on canvas, done in his love, the branches which hold the canvas cloth, are the ones, that Coco personally picked once in the park, all the way to home. I kept those branches as remembrance of how he held on to them for me. The painting is hung over our bed, Where Coco would often sleep by my side through pain.

To A love that never fails & stands by in your Nothings!

(Part of Cocos ashes, were offered in the Indus River at Aryan valley, on way to Ladakh. The source of that river is from Mansarovar. Nothing was planned, where we would offer. It’s just that the place was so calm & serene, gurgling with rivers sweet note, That both atul & I knew, Coco would have loved to swim there & the remaining part of his ashes, after keeping some at home as constant blessings, we offered it in Chitravati river in Puttaparthi, Where my beloved, Bhagwan Shree Satya Sai was born, as I had longed to take Coco there.)

Coco served as a Therapy Dog, with one of the NGOs- Animal Angels, who trains pets for Well-being of humans. He worked on one of their pilot project for juvenile children’s here in Mumbai along with one other therapy dog. The project went on for 6months. Coco was always very intuitive & had an healing energy. The psychiatrist there wasn’t able to break the ice, Where the children’s there could open up & express themselves. That’s where the part of introducing trained therapy dogs, brings a shift within human minds & hearts. Where in one session, all children’s were sitting in a circle with Coco at their centre & were sharing things about their life. A boy in his teens had a breakthrough, Where he not only disclosed the reason behind him put into the juvenile centre, But that he felt sad about his mistake. Coco was always very in-tune to human emotions & pain & no sooner the boy expressed his remorse, Coco got up on his own & kissed the boy on his cheek. That boy broke into tears of joy, for being loved & accepted. He then went on to tell Coco, That he shall never do such mistake in his life, so as to hurt someone & more than ever to hurt his mother. Who too was in pain, knowing his son had to be put in juvenile remand home. The psychiatrist there, revealed, she was trying for that boy to open up, as he simply wouldn’t. The reason why humans can share everything & anything with dogs other than other humans is because, Dogs are Non-Judgemental & they shower Unconditional love. They like God, simply kiss your heart & soul. Dogs don’t Change people, but Transform them. Coco was awarded Gold medal along with several other therapy dogs & hundreds of dogs across India. Be it police dogs, navy dogs, army dogs. Coco was a special case as he not only worked on many other projects, be it school of special needs, but he also healed me on various levels, along with many who were ailing. Coco would know, which part of the persons body was in pain or even paralysed & he would on his own go to meet that person & kiss that persons pain away. Not many are aware of how therapy dogs have served to heal survivors of riots & even terrorist attacks here in India & across the world.

(This is the transcript of the audio above)

There’s a place in everyone’s heart, Pure, Unsullied, by time, by weathers of life; A Place so intact, that Nothing can rob its Glimmer Or its Shine. A Place where you’ll dissolve along with all your stories of this life or lifetimes,

& When your soul is brought in the presence of God. That’s the moment you realise, every moment of your life, be it good or bad, happy or sad, was His Boundless Gift,

“A Gift only to turn within.”

You know, what that moment is, Its “Gods Kiss”, Upon your heart & Soul. Kiss to tell you,

Beloved, My Bangaru, how I’ve waited to tell you

& show you, “You were Always Loved”

God speaks to each & every one of his child, in ways the child understands & Needs, for He’s on a level, Where He Alone To The Truth within Your Heart can meet.

After a lifetime of illness & constant struggle to survive, I met God in many moments, Bitter-Sweet. We often feel sad & dejected, When life doesn’t measure up to our desires & what we feel, our life ought to have been.

But it’s only after some moments of selfless thoughts, spent in the presence of One’s Being, call it of one’s self or God, that one is Truly able to see, That All the heart-breaks, all the pains be it physical or the ones in one’sminds, were

“Nothing but His Gifts!”

For he no more wanted to let his child wander around being lost, But only to turn & hold on to him.

Some may say, O it’s just karma, this lupus & the effects of its sickness upon your body, Finish it! But let me tell you, This illness was Nothing But One of my Beloveds Many Kiss!

And how can any karma be bad, If You Know,

God Alone is carrying you through it, holding his lil child in a warm embrace, away from this world.

It’s Not Bad Karma, It’s His Kiss of Grace & Love that moves those, who are deemed unfit in this competitive world.

His other kiss to me, was A very supportive husband, Where I’ve seen marriages fail, inspite of all wealth & health, he made sure, that I’d stand in Dignity, for when a women is ailing, the entire house suffers, along her. No Doubt a women is deemed the back bone of her family. The daily struggles still persist, with uncertainty of my health, from meals to everything big & small,

Weather I’ll be able to walk Or Breathe, Just how these 2decades have passed

Yet, He didn’t stop, at only that, he then send me a beautiful soul as my son. Or should I say-Daughter.

I didn’t want to have children’s of my own, as most time I was bedridden in pain & the only constant factor in my life, was the unpredictability, that this pain brought upon me

Yet he gave me a Soul Child. Born from his very own heart.  He once said, “I’ll Give you a Daughter”, knowing my hearts wish to have a daughter, but when he sent, Coco my four legged, Labrador child, he came with an Essence of such calm & peace, lifting both Atul & me from this unending cycle of chronic pain.

He fulfilled his promise of sending me a daughter, even though Coco was a boy, as Baba explains, When he tells this to some devotee, “I’ll give you a son Or I’ll give you a daughter”, by that he means- I’ll give you a son it means-wisdom & I’ll give you a daughter means- Peace”

Coco was so calm & zen like through all the storms of my illness & he truly gave Peace to both Atul & me along with unconditional love & joy

Being a therapy dog by his very spirit, Coco bloomed in me a confidence & values of Acceptance & Surrender through this life of uncertainty through lupus, To me he was Baba, who was present physically 13.5 years of my life, where we’ve cried laying hours in pain, unable to walk, or use hands or unable to breathe Or speak for months on end.

That was his other kiss, not being able to breathe & speak, when lupus would trigger the nerves flare on my scalp, Along with swollen eyes, choking nerves around my throat; Often leaving me Brain-fogged.

You may ask me- “how can that be a kiss?”, When due to severe pain, you have no energy left to talk, for days, weeks, months, lest alone, struggling to even breathe.

To that I’d say, Yes it is, for even though,  Through that insurmountable pains, he quietened my mind & slowly placed it within my heart.

You know what a gift it is, to have “No Mind”,  by that I  mean, A Mind that’s constantly looking outward; judging, comparing or simply lost in unending cycle of thoughts.

Whilst Tears wept involuntarily due to excruciating pains, but in those moments,

Yet All that was left, was A heart that beats & listens to his voice Within.

For aren’t all these Poems & Writings, His Grace Upon me.

While  Coco would lay, his head upon my chest in those moments & cry, So as to stop me from crying in pain, that too was his kiss, to show, How True & Pure unsullied love is, For Dogs never leave your side, unlike the world, they don’t measure one’s worth based upon, A Job that defines one, Nor some Success or Name one Achieves.

But they Place your worth as God does, upon your heart!

He once said to me, My Child, why are you worried, this body, will do its work, that it’s come to do & at its perfect time- DROP. Isn’t it beautiful, this work, Which is Nothing But A Labour of Love, To Share, Expressions of His & Cocos Love through art.

It was His Will, that I play the role of an artist, hence he laid the ground, by Giving me Supportive parents, who, but encouraged art. So that this Time in my life, Where I need to grow in Roots, Through this insurmountable Pain, Can Bear A Tree, That shall offers shade, through His Works of Love, for those, Who are Wearied & lost. That is how another kiss to me, to be able to cross this time, by expressing & Sharing his love

He showed me, this world is only a playground, at times on the See-Saw of life, you’ll be up & times the world may pull you down. But that’s only when you leave your home & go to play out in this world. Once you’re back in your home- Heart & have learnt to  centre yourself in me, then there’s no up, no down, no laughter, no sadness & you can Even while you play- Be Free!

Yes play in this world, but as My child, Knowing, When someone hurts you or is incapable of loving you, it’s because, they’ve not yet found their way back from this playground of world to me. They’ve not yet Understood God Kiss.

Hence they see Life’s Pain as a “Karmic Punishment”, & Not As Correction as I’ve led you to see.

So all those baggage’s, of hurt,  let be gone, For then Only can you Return home, in the lightness of your spirit & heart

Simply free yourself, By Loving that soul,

Who hurts, For He/She is Hurting within & in its Separation from me; Let’s out that Pain as an act to Relieve.

Whilst on this life’s Sojourn, Out of Blue, One day Coco too started slipping physically, couldn’t walk-limping & No amount of prayers or medications, on Atul or my part-helped.

That’s when I  sat in front of babas picture & cried, As it had been more than a month of Cocos limping & silent tears rolling down his cheeks,

I prayed, Asking that A Miracle He Breathes,

But that subtle voice within said-

“Don’t be Selfish, he gave you 13.5yrs of his life, to help lift your spirit through pain”.

I simply broke down listening to that quiet voice, thinking how can you be so cruel to say this to me,

“am I selfish”, how can a mother ever think, of loosing her child & thinking such, I sobbed for 45 minutes, along with fighting with him, While he lookked at me through that picture frame, Silently his eyes were drawing me towards the inevitable, by saying- “Don’t be selfish!”

I gathered some strength, to come out & attend to coco, Who was then laying on bed, being fed by Atul. Coco looked right into my eyes & was smiling, knowing I had cried & even in that much of Pain, he didn’t want me to cry. His Smile through that unbearable pain too was God Kiss.

And that moment, out of sheer helplessness, When after 11days of Coco being fully bedridden; Where he couldn’t help himself to sit up Nor walk.

I offered Cocos life, at his lotus feet, & said-

“Do as you Please, Let Thy Will Be”,

& the very next day to that prayer, Cocos soul, passed away in peace. That heart wrenching moment of my life, Or for any mother,

Too was His Kiss!

Atul & i journeyed to Ladakh with Cocos ashes, As Atul had promised Coco, he’d take him some day but, I guess this is how God willed. I had nothing left to speak, All we’d do, Is drive, Whilst I’d sleep on the Back seat, Alternating between sitting in the front, Along with Cocos ashes & Simply pray for Cocos soul;

“That Swami, Please give him, whatever he needs!” I had Nothing left to speak. For almost 6-7months, All  I would do, was pray for his soul. Knowing I’ve done nothing in retrospect to how Coco lifted me through this lupus. When Nothing else worked in my life & even at a time, When I felt, I can’t go on; That I wish to end my life, If Not for Cocos love & his constant presence, Probably I wouldn’t have made it this far.

But just last month, Swami came in my dream, he showed me, He’s Petting Coco; Coco wasn’t there physically, but his spirit was, Baba was petting him lovingly, saying- “Our Coco”, “Our Coco”.

This is A God, Who’s Constantly loving & elevating souls of his children’s across the globe. As I’ve seen & experienced personally, even for those, Who may have not been praying or even knowing his form, he reaches out to them in their hour of need & shows You’re Loved, For You’re Mine!

Let this whole world abandon you my dear child, Remember all you need is to turn within, from this playground of life & you’ll see me there,

Ever Loving you.

And to this last kiss that he gave, with which I wish to conclude this letter, Though I know it’s Not his Last One, For he’s Kissed each & every one of his Child for lifetimes already.

But on March 21st 2023, I was missing coco, So badly & all those months of silence & tears of loosing him on 12th April 2022, simply cascaded as a waterfall through a fort that I held on long since his passing, & came pouring forth. I cried inconsolably, unable to withheld myself  for hours on end.

That very night, Swami came to me through a video talk of another devotee, who too was struck by some illness & was praying for months on end, as she was fading. And upon meeting Baba, she cried inconsolably, that’s when Swami told her- “Aise Nahin Rona” , meaning- Don’t Cry Like This. & even that, That he knows, how long she has been praying to him

The Sai-Coincidence timing of seeing this video talk, Where I had wept profusely, for the first time, after loosing Coco & his words struck a deep chord within- “Aise Nahin Rona, I feel your Pain, Pointing at his heart”, he said, that simply melted me.

That was his other kiss to me. Amongst many other kisses that he’s given upon my heart & soul.

I know now, why we humans are not able to Love & kiss someone’s heart & soul, like God or like Dogs do, it’s because we think this playground called world, is our entire life, we no doubt have to work & do our respective duties, but we do it forgetting that it’s only a playground.

While our hearts, Where he’s placed- Purity, Where God dwells, that place, Where for me coco shall always remain, is home & all we Need to do is Return, to that place after every play,

Back to ourselves, to our heart, to God to that dog, Who’s showing you, How to truly live here from the Fullness of your Being!

In my heart, I know I’m always kissed & loved! By Swamis Love, By Cocos love, By Goodwill of those around who stood by me, Unfailingly!

So tomorrow if you come across someone who’s undergoing some pain or feeling dejected in this playground of life, please remind them of Gods kiss & then maybe when they’ll enter this Worlds play; They shall do so on Nimble feet, With A Heart Of God & they’ll wander around in this life’s playground, making it so beautiful as Dogs do, for I had once read this very beautiful & touching quote, “That Dogs don’t even know, How Amazing they are, As they go about, making this world Beautiful”

To All the Kisses upon my heart & soul,

My Beloved Sai in Gratitude I bow at your feet & Place my heart & Hug you as A Child, who’s Finally come home in Peace!

Jai Sai Ram!!!

©️Meghna/2023